The untouchable

This is just a little background from my adolescence, when the day is still young :)

I've never had any boyfriend, even until the day when I wrote this post. I only had some crushes with some guys from school since junior high. But of course they never last that long. In junior and senior high school, I liked some guys (one guy at a time, one after another), mostly because they're cute, talented, smart, or just looked good in the basketball court. In senior high school, I liked a guy just because he could play a musical instrument so well and sang my favourite song during one of school's party (yeahh...typical teenager ;p).

A crush is a crazy and deceptive feeling (teenagers know it really well). You think you love him, but in fact you don't. You just like him because he can do some cool stuffs, has a sweet manner toward you, or just because his good look entertains your eyes. For me, those days were like a roller coaster. I could have a sunny, bright day when he looked at me and just smiled. But it could turn into a gloomy one when I didn't see him all day, or saw him going out with another girl. But the good thing was, once I knew that the guy I liked had a girlfriend, I would easily get over him and move on.

I never showed how I feel to those guys. I was really good at hiding my feelings. Most of them didn't know that I was their fan, except one, because it turned out that apparently he liked me too. But things didn't work out between us, so we never got into a relationship.

There are also some guys along my path, who showed their feelings for me. Two of them even said that I was their first love. But I felt sorry for them, because I've never been able to love them back. I had to turn down some dating-proposals and I've never been able to say "yes", therefore I inevitably broke their hearts and remained single. Unfortunately, some of these guys made a proposal in public. so, when I turned them down, a lot of people were witnessing it. As a result, my friends called me untouchable, because none of the proposals had ever succeeded. I'm not particularly proud of this 'new nickname', because deep inside I was just a little girl who wanted to be loved. There's nothing wrong with those guys though. In fact, they are some of the smartest, most talented and good looking guys at school. But somehow, I just couldn't say yes to any of them. Probably because I wasn't ready for a commitment.

So, I graduated from high school...untouchable, never been dated, never had any boyfriend. Felt pity for myself at first, but eventually be thankful for this later on.